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Irish Wit & Humor

These are the quotes that are humorous or display the wit that gives a chuckle. Serious thought is not allowed (well you may, if you like).
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Note: We often have difficulty validating a quote source. If you catch an error or you have a source for the, all too common, anonymous, let us know. Please, though, give us an authoritative source or, at least, corroboration. Otherwise, we just have dozens of contradictory opinions.
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It is an old maxim in the schools,
That flattery's the food of fools;
Yet now and then your men of wit
Will condescend to take a bit.
From Cadenus and Vanessa by Jonathan Swift


Marriage: When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.
George Bernard Shaw
Photo Credit: Anne Lanier Weddings

I'm an atheist and I thank God for it.
George Bernard Shaw

..."the drink and I have been friends for so long, it would be a pity for me to leave without one last kiss."
The last words of harpist, singer and compose Turlough O'Carolan who died on March 25 1738.










It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness.
Kenneth Tynan, Observer, 27 May 1956
Photo Credit: Guardian UK/Jane Brown




"Give an Irishman lager for a month, and he's a dead man. An Irishman is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him."
Mark Twain, Life on the Mississippi
Photo Credit: Irish Whiskey Trail



Peter O’ Toole was once asked what was his favorite Irish food: “My number one choice is Guinness. My number two choice would be Guinness. My number three choice would have to be Guinness.”
Peter O'Toole. (b. August 2, 1932)
Photo Credit: Daily Mail


Even if the ball was wrapped in bacon, Lassie couldn't find it. Heard from an Irish caddie, after a particularly bad shot.

Photo credit: Golf Course Co Kilkenny, Ireland from All Posters










When I die I want to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served in all the pubs in Dublin.

J.P. Donleavy - born April April 23, 1926

Photo Credit: Kennys Irish Bookshop



The rain drove us into the church - our refuge, our strength, our only dry place...Limerick gained a reputation for piety, but we knew it was only the rain.
From Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt
Photo Credit: Claire Hegarty - Dublin





I think there's a bit of the devil in everybody. There's a bit of a priest in everybody, too, but I enjoyed playing the devil more. He was more fun.
Gabriel Byrne

The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me.
George Bernard Shaw

You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer.
Hal Roach
Photo Credit: Boston Irish Blog

Come forth, Lazarus! And he came fifth and lost the job.
From Ulysses by James Joyce

The majority of the members of the Irish parliament are professional politicians, in the sense that otherwise they would not be given jobs minding mice at crossroads.
Flann O'Brien

The only mothers it is safe to forget on Mother's Day are the good ones.
Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook

"It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious."
From Oscar Wilde's play Lady Windermere's Fan, which had its debut on February 20, 1892.

True friends stab you in the front.
Oscar Wilde

The most important thing I would learn in school was that almost everything I would learn in school would be utterly useless. When I was fifteen I knew the principal industries of the Ruhr Valley, the underlying causes of World War One and what Peig Sayers had for her dinner every day...What I wanted to know when I was fifteen was the best way to chat up girls. That is what I still want to know.
From the Secret World of the Irish Male by Joseph O'Connor

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
George Bernard Shaw

The government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
From “Everybody’s Political What’s What?” by George bernard Shaw.

Definition of an 'Irish fact':
That which tells you not what is the case but what you want to hear.
Hugh Kenner

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.
Spike Milligan

Samuel Johnson once said "the Irish are a fair people, they never speak well of one another." So, naturally, Brendan Behan, that bad boy of Irish literature, had the Irish insult down to a fine art:
"If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks."

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Marriage is the same.
Oscar Wilde

Ireland remains a deeply religious country, with the two main denominations being "us" and "them". In the unlikely event you are asked which group you belong to, the correct answer is:"I'm an atheist, thank God".

It has been said of Sir Boyle Roche, MP (1743-1807) for Tralee, Co. Kerry), that he only opened his mouth to change his feet. On one occasion he told his audience that "the cup of Ireland's misery has been overflowing for centuries and is not yet half full." Joining that remarkable cup is this spectacularly mixed metaphor, also by Roche: "All along the untrodden paths of the future, I can see the footprints of an unseen hand."

Sign on a Kinsale shop: Out for lunch. If not back by five, out for dinner also.

They invented the three-day bank holiday weekend because you can't lump all the bad weather into just Saturday and Sunday.

Notice in a Co. Down field ....
"TRESPASSERS PROSECUTED - PLEASE SHUT THE GATE"

It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times.
(Excerpted from an Irish mother's letter to her son)

Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick.
Samuel Beckett

Sign on a farm-house gate:
Horse Manure: 50p per pre-packed bag. 20p -do it your self.

Sign on an Irish gate:
The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges.

Curran said to Father O'Leary, the wittiest priest of his day, "I wish you were St. Peter." "Why?" asked O'Leary. "Because," said Curran, "you would have the keys of heaven, and could let me in." "It would be better for you," said O'Leary, "that I had the keys of the other place, for then I could let you out."
From W.R. LeFanu's "70 Years of Irish Life," 1896

Sir Boyle Roche MP was the Member for Tralee, County Kerry, in the Irish House of Commons in the latter part of the 18th century. His response to another member's appeal for some measure because it would benefit posterity? "Why, Mr. Speaker," Sir Boyle asked, "should we do anything for posterity? What has posterity done for us?"

Spike Milligan was asked if anything was worn under the kilt. Always quick with a comeback, Spike responded "No, it's all in perfect working order."

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
Oscar Wilde

New York is my Lourdes where I go for spiritual refreshment...a place where you are least likely to be bitten by a wild goat. Brendan Behan

"All money is tainted, tain't none of it mine."
Thomas Francis McGuire
This was sent in by one of our readers, Rosemary Nagy. Mr. McGuire was her dad. Thanks, Rosemary!

Notice on a Cork building site:
The shovels haven't arrived, and until they do, you'll have to lean on each other.

My grandmother made dying her life's work.
Hugh Leonard

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights.
Will Rogers

An Irishman will always soften bad news, so that a major coronary is no more than 'a bad turn' and a near hurricane that leaves thousands homeless is 'good drying weather'.
Hugh Leonard

A man who moralizes is usually a hypocrite, and a woman who moralizes is usually plain.
Oscar Wilde

There was an old fellow at Trinity
Who solved the square root of infinity.
But it gave him such fidgets
To count up the digits
That he dropped Math and took up Divinity

Sir Lewis Morris was complaining to Oscar Wilde about the neglect of his poems by the press. "It's a conspiracy of silence," he declared, "What do you think I should do?" "Join it!" suggested Wilde.

Me darlin' was sweet, me darlin' was chaste
Faith, an' more's the pity.
For though she was sweet an'though she was chaste,
She was chased all the way through the city.
Anonymous Irish verse, circa 1790

Rose McGowan remembers asking Peter O'Toole if there were millions of girls chasing him around the planet after he did Lawrence of Arabia, and he said, "My dear girl, I didn't need movies to do that."

A garda recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for reinforcements."

"My way of joking is to tell the truth. it's the funniest joke in the world."
George Bernard Shaw.

He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
George Bernard Shaw

Then there’s the Irishman on the construction site who was asked if he knows the difference between a joist and a girder. “Well, sure anyone would know that,” he replies. “Joist wrote Ulysses and Girder wrote Faust.”

'Tis an old maxim in the schools, that flattery's the food of fools; yet now and then your men of wit will condescend to take a bit. Jonathan Swift

The only thing that can console one for being poor is extravagance.
Oscar Wilde

Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.
GB Shaw

From out of the mouth of a nun in Ballyragget, Kilkenny when describing a woman in high heels:
"She was like a cat on a scissors."

He is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts.
Richard Brinsley Sheridan, in honour of his birthday October 30

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Oscar Wilde
ED NOTE: Mr Richard Bentley visited our site and noticed that we have incorrectly attributed the entire quote above to Oscar. The second line should actually be attributed to Samuel Johnson who either said it or wrote it 100 years earlier! This brings to mind an anecdote by James Whistler. He was with Oscar when the latter praised a clever turn of phrase by saying "I wish I had said that." Mr Whistler responded, "You will, Oscar, you will."

Bernard Shaw is an excellent man; he has not an enemy in the world, and none of his friends like him.
Oscar Wilde

This one came in from Penny R. Thanks, Penny!
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch.

But there are advantages to being elected President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret.
President Reagan (RIP)

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That is his.'
Oscar Wilde

As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.
Oscar Wilde.

Rome wasn't built in A.D.
Flann O'Brien

"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh."
Conan O'Brien

Never serve oysters in a month that has no paycheck in it.
P. J. O'Rourke

A limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
anonymous

From the Catholic Dictionary:
Relics: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
Photo Credit: National Library of Ireland Catalogue

,"Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal."
Jonathan Swift

I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started.
Brendan Behan

It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody.
Brendan Behan

You’ve heard of St. Denis of France,
He never had much for to brag on.
You’ve heard of St. George and his lance,
Who killed old heathenish dragon.
The Saints of the Welshmen and Scot
Are a couple of pitiful pipers,
And might just as well go to pot
When compared to the patron of vipers:
St. Patrick of Ireland, my dear.
Parody attributed to William Maginn

"The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding."
Oscar Wilde, Lord Arthur Savile's Crime, 1891

Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

"There's one thing about a late marriage - it doesn't last long."
Elderly Irishman on RTÉ talking about Courting in the 1940's.

How do you confuse a Kerryman?
Place three shovels against a wall and ask him to take his pick.

I'm always suspicious of games where you're the only ones that play it.
Jack Charlton on hurling

Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.
Oscar Wilde

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
George Bernard Shaw

Before undergoing bypass surgery, descendant of Irish emigrants and former President Bill Clinton was quoted as saying from his hospital bed: "The Republicans aren't the only ones who want four more years."

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
Spike Milligan

Larry Gogan: 'With what town in Britain is Shakespeare associated?'
Contestant: 'Hamlet'.

Ladies and gentlemen are permitted to have friends in the kennel but not in the kitchen.
George Bernard Shaw

"He was always late on principle; his principle being that punctuality is the thief of time."
Oscar Wilde

I never put off till tomorrow what I can do the day after.
Oscar Wilde

"Anybody can make history; only a great man can write it."
Oscar Wilde

"Alas, I am dying beyond my means."
Oscar Wilde

We found the following in a list of actual notes from medical records, as dictated by physicians:
1.While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
2. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
3. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated.
George Bernard Shaw

We can't win at home, we can't win away. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play.
Jock Brown - Celtic General Manager.

Some people were laughing at an Irishman who won a race for saying, "Well, I'm first at last." "You needn't laugh," said he; "Sure, wasn't I behind before?"
from W.R. Fanu's Book "70 Years of Irish History" 1896

First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity.
George Bernard Shaw

I am a confirmed believer in blessings in disguise. I prefer them undisguised when I myself happen to be the person blessed; in fact, I can scarcely recognize a blessing in disguise except when it is bestowed upon someone else.
Robert Lynd

But all husbands are geese, though our pride it may shock,
From the first 'twas ordained so by Nature, I fear;
Ould Adam himself was the first of the flock,
And Eve, with her apple sauce, cook'd him, my dear."
From the poem Dermott O'Dowd by Samuel Glover

Flo was fond of Ebenezer
"Eb," for short, she called her beau.
Talk of tides of love, great Caesar!
You should see them - Eb and Flo.
Thomas Daly (1871-1948)

"I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me."
Brendan Behan

God then made man. The Italians for their beauty. The French for their cuisine. The Welsh for their voices. The Germans for their cars. And on and on until He looked at what He had created and said, "This is all very well, but no-one is having fun. I'll have to make an Irishman."

Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same.
Oscar Wilde

I like men who have a future and women who have a past.
Oscar Wilde

Do not do unto others as you would they should do unto you; their tastes may not be the same.
George Bernard Shaw

"I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form."
Spike Milligan on seeking permissiont to celebrate his 80th birthday with a 12,000 foot skydive.

"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."
Oscar Wilde - from An Ideal Husband, 1895

A particular favorite for theft is the road sign to one Co. Kerry village that reads: "Inch, 1 mile."

To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid enough to want it.
George Bernard Shaw

Nothing soothes me more after a long and maddening course of pianoforte recitals than to sit and have my teeth drilled
George Bernard Shaw

I must decline your invitation owing to a subsequent engagement.
Oscar Wilde

"She who hesitates is won."
Oscar Wilde

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free.
P.J. O'Rourke


Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does.
George Bernard Shaw

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people, by the people, for the people.
Oscar Wilde

The difference between literature and journalism is that journalism is unreadable and literature is unread.
Oscar Wilde

Being Irish, I have an abiding sense of tragedy which sustains me through temporary periods of joy.
W.B. Yeats

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Spike Milligan

What do I know of man's destiny? I could tell you more about radishes.
Samuel Beckett

O long life to the man who invented potheen -
Sure the Pope ought to make him a martyr -
If myself was this moment Victoria, the Queen,
I'd drink nothing but whiskey and wather.
From In Praise of Potheen by
Michael Moran, aka Zozimus

All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
Sean O'Casey

Lord, confound this surly sister,
Blight her brow with blotch and blister,
Cramp her larynx, lung, and liver,
In her guts a galling give her.
Let her live to earn her dinners
In Mountjoy with seedy sinners:
Lord, this judgment quickly bring,
And I'm your servant, J. M. Synge.
A curse on the sister of an enemy who disapproved of `The Playboy of the Western World.'

An Irishman will always soften bad news. so that a major coronary is no more than a 'bad turn' and a near-hurricane that leaves thousands homeless is 'good drying weather.'
From Rover and Other cats by Hugh Leonard

Ins't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas.
From Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt

To make a good salad is to be a brilliant diplomatist – the problem is entirely the same in both cases. To know exactly how much oil one must put with one's vinegar.
Oscar Wilde

I dislike arguments of any kind. They are always vulgar, and often convincing.
Oscar Wilde

There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks in them.
P. J. O'Rourke

"I often take exercise. Only yesterday I had breakfast in bed."
Oscar Wilde

Mr Patrick Kavanagh was recently reported as having declared that “there is no such thing as Gaelic literature”. This is hard luck on the institute of Advanced Studies, who are supposed to be looking into the thing. I attended the Book Fair in the Mansion House the other evening in the hope of overhearing other similar pronouncements from the writing persons who infest such a place. I heard plenty, and have recorded it in my note-books under “Stuff To Be Used If Certain People Put Their Heads Out”.
Flann O'Brien from The Best of Myles

I formed a new group called Alcoholics-Unanimous. If you don't feel like a drink, you ring another member and he comes over to persuade you.
Richard Harris

Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.
James Stephens, ‘The Crock of Gold’

Mr. de Valera has been talking non-stop since eight o'clock this morning, filling me in on the background to the Irish fight for freedom. And after eight hours and sixteen minutes he hasn't even reached the Norman invasion of Ireland yet.
Attributed to David Lloyd George - probably apocryphal

The fickleness of the women I love is only equaled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me.
George Bernard Shaw

She could curse fluently, so she boasted, in four languages - in the English, the Gaelic of Donegal, the Gaelic of Rachery, and the Gaelic of the Isles.
From "My Cousin Justin" by Margaret Bannington
(We always knew there was more than one “Irish”!)

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do.
P. J. O'Rourke

You, that are going to be married, think things can never be done too fast: but we that are old, and know what we are about, must elope methodically, madam.
Oliver Goldsmith

There's man all over for you, blaming on his boots the fault of his feet.
Samuel Beckett

On the stage he was natural, simple, affecting;
T'was only that when he was off he was acting.
(on David Garrick, from Retaliation)
Oliver Godsmith

First law on holes - when you're in one, stop digging.
Denis Healey

He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
George Bernard Shaw

I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started.
Brendan Behan

Notice on a Cork building site:
The shovels haven't arrived, and until they do, you'll have to lean on each other.

I was court-martialled in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
Brendan Behan

Of George Bernard Shaw, Oscar Wilde once said He hasn't an enemy in the world and none of his friends like him.

Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde

I often sit back and think, I wish I’d done that and find out later that I already have.
Richard Harris in reference to what happens when he drank.

I often quote myself, it adds spice to my conversation.
George Bernard Shaw

A sentimentalist is simply one who desires to have the luxury of an emotion without paying for it.
Oscar Wilde

Shakespeare said pretty well everything and what he left out, James Joyce, with a judge from meself, put in.
Brendan Behan

A Belfast newspaper reported on the launching of an aircraft carrier and recorded:
The Duchess smashed the bottle against the bow and amid the applause of the crowd she slid on her greasy bottom into the sea.

A newspaper in Ireland published the headline:
Half the council are crooks, but was asked to retract it. The following week it ran the heading: Half the council are NOT crooks.

We don't want to be like the leader in the French Revolution who said There go my people, I must find out where they are going so I can lead them.
John F. Kennedy

What we are doing is in the interest of everybody, bar possibly the consumer.
Aer Lingus spokesman

Sir Lewis Morris was complaining to Oscar Wilde about the neglect of his poems by the press. It's a conspiracy of silence, he declared. What do you think I should do? Join it! suggested Wilde.

George Bernard Shaw once received an invitation from a celebrity hound: Lady Tillingham-Swarthmore will be at home Thursday between four and six. GBS returned the card. Underneath her message, he had scrawled: Mr. George Bernard Shaw likewise.

There is in every cook's opinion
No savory dish without an onion.
But lest your kissing should be spoiled,
The onion must be thoroughly boiled.
Jonathan Swift

Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question? asked President Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Do we now? came New York Mayor Al Smith's reply.

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
Robert Lynd

Said the Kerry farmer of a dim-witted neighbor:
And isn't he as slow as a wet week!

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
William Butler Yeats

If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.
George Bernard Shaw

Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honoured by posterity because he was the last to discover America.
James Joyce

Little Boy: Mr. President, how did you become a war hero?
President Kennedy: It was absolutely involuntary. They sank my boat.

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller.
George Bernard Shaw

No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating.
Oscar Wilde

From the popular Larry Gogan quiz show:
Larry Gogan: With what town in Britain is Shakespeare associated?
Contestant: Hamlet.

Have you heard about the Irish boomerang?
It doesn't come back, it just sings sad songs about how much it wants to. 

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.
Oscar Wilde

Epigram on a stern Irish security guard:
What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in.
Patrick Ireland

Ireland remains a deeply religious country, with the two main denominations being us and them. In the unlikely event you are asked which group you belong to, the correct answer is:I'm an atheist, thank God.

The vote means nothing to women. We should be armed.
Edna O'Brien

Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.
George Bernard Shaw

The town is as full as ever of 'characters,' all created by each other.
Wilfred Sheed's description of Dublin.

When any one of our relations was found to be a person of a very bad character, a troublesome guest, or one we desired to get rid of, upon his leaving my house I ever took care to lend him a riding-coat, or a pair of boots, or sometimes a horse of small value, and I always had the satisfaction of finding he never came back to return them.
Oliver Goldsmith

No man is an Ireland.
Chicago Mayor Richard Daley

Let schoolmasters puzzle their brain,
With grammar, and nonsense, and learning.
Good liquor, I stoutly maintain,
Gives genius a better discerning.
Oliver Goldsmith

One of the worst things that can happen in life is to win a bet on a horse at an early age.
Danny McGoorty, Irish Pool Player

They'd go to the opening of an envelope. Any big occasion, they’re always there. Anything for exposure. We can do without them.
Actors are unimportant.
Richard Harris on actors

Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice about them.
George Bernard Shaw

An Irishman can be worried by the consciousness that there is nothing to worry about.
Austin O'Malley

That's the Irish people all over - they treat a joke as a serious thing, and a serious thing as a joke.
Sean O'Casey

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
P. J. O'Rourke

The curse of the Irish is not that they don't know the words to a song - its that they know them all.
Susan Dooley, Washington Post.

After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations.
Oscar Wilde

It was a bold man who first swallowed an oyster.
Jonathan Swift

I mean, the question actors most often get asked is how they can bear saying the same things over and over again, night after night, but God knows the answer to that is, don't we all anyway; might as well get paid for it.
Richard Brinsley Sheridan

I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy.
Danny McGoorty - Irish Pool Player

"I think the Irish woman was freed from slavery by bingo .... They can go out now, dressed up, with their handbags and have a drink and play bingo. And they deserve it."
John B. Keane
In memory - born 21 July 1928:died 30 May 2002
Photo Credit: Culture Fox




When I die I want to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served in all the pubs in Ireland.
J. P. Dunleavy, The Ginger Man

I'm troubled, I'm dissatisfied. I'm Irish.
Marianne Moore




Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
Oscar Wilde

No human being believes that any other human being has a right to be in bed when he himself is up.
Robert Lynd

The Irish are a fair people; they never speak well of one another.
Samuel Johnson

Every man of genius is considerably helped by being dead.
Robert Lynd

All I ever seemed to get was the kind of girl who had a special dispensation from Rome to wear the thickest part of her legs below the knee.
Hugh Leonard

Newspapers are unable, seemingly, to discriminate between a bicycle accident and the collapse of civilisation.
George Bernard Shaw

The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor. He takes my measurements anew each time he sees me. The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them.
George Bernard Shaw